Time out is an often-used discipline technique. There are two very different approaches to time out with very different results. If used as punishment, the results may be as damaging as other commonly used methods, such as spanking. It can serve the goal of power, with the child believing, “The only way they can control me is to lock me up.” Conversely it can lead children to believe that they are bad people who need to be controlled by an outside authority. If used as outlined below, the results may provide opportunity for personal growth in developing responsibility and problem solving.
Purpose:
¨ To calm down before anger gets out of control.
¨ To encourage children to take control of their emotions and assume responsibility for their behaviour.
¨ To help children feel better so they can cooperate and behave well.
Guidelines:
¨ Involve children in advance planning. Discuss the fact that we all have times when we lose control of our emotions and behaviour. Involve them in choosing and setting up a place that will be calming and will help them to cool-off, feel better, and change disruptive behaviour into constructive behaviour.
¨ Preserve dignity and respect. Adult body language and tone of voice (which convey our beliefs) determine the message children receive about their behaviour. It is important to be firm about inappropriate behaviour but also to remain calm and respectful. For example: “Your behaviour suggests that you need to take time out to feel better.”
¨ Give choice to increase responsibility. Assist children in deciding how much time they need in the time-out area until they are ready to return to the group and behave appropriately. For example: “You decide when you will feel good enough to come back and play without hitting. Would you like to set the timer?”
¨ Use adult modeling. Adults can model using time out for themselves with dignity and respect. For example: “I’m so upset about this right now that I need to take time out to cool down. I’ll discuss the situation with you when I feel calmer.”
We may worry that children will misuse the time-out area to escape from work and responsibility. Children rarely misuse time out when they have been involved in planning for it. If they do misuse it, they may be acting from the mistaken goal of withdrawal. We then need to work at encouraging them.
Time out is not appropriate discipline for every situation. We need to understand children’s behaviours and learn a full range of methods for dealing with them.
Reprinted from Respectful, Responsible Parenting: A Facilitator’s Guide, Revised Edition
Beth Johnson 1999/01/12 Revised 2006/10/19 Adapted from
Time out: Abuses and Effective Uses, by Jane Nelsen and H. Stephen Glenn
Permission to copy for classroom use only granted by Saskatoon Adlerian Society
Phone: (306) 975-0885 E-mail: sask.adlerian@sasktel.net